The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
