Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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