At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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