I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
