I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize