You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
