She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
