dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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