hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
