I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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