I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
