she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
