Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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