If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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