Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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