I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The feeling are messing with the penis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
