My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
