The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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