you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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