Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
