Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
