is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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