I just saw a hot homeless man
one two three fourrrrnication!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
