He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
