Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
