the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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