I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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