I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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