At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
