She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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