No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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