its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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