you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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