where am i from again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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