Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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