a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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