You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
