whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
