blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
