so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
