I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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