You can't motorboat a personality
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
