Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
