there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do herpes really smell.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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