He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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