i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
