just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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