I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
