Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's get the cat blown out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
