Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
