He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
