Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
