Whod you bang
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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