so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
