In America we eat man semen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
