based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
