today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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