i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
