After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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