he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
