we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
