he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
