I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
