are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
