so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
