After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
