I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
