I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
