Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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