update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
