One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
